Page 9 - WOTS_Issue_70

One Guy’s

alcohol just to stop myself from thinking. I better; this change came naturally in a way I
dropped out of college and moved away, can't explain other than the power of God. I
I GREW UP watered-down
thinking a location change would fix me. I was didn't want to get drunk anymore or sleep
Catholic. I didn't believe in God, but I
heavily overweight, clinically depressed, and around. I didn't want to party or kill myself
considered myself a good person. I liked to
on anti-depressants. I wanted out and found any longer. I wanted to help others and read
entertain people and make them laugh. My
myself angry at a God I didn't believe in. I my Bible. I could feel legitimate joy again. I
family fell apart by the end of high school and
began searching for a reason to live. I decided had hope again. Ever been in a dark room
my once-vibrant optimism diminished. I found
to try and read the Bible, but I only got to when all the lights go on at once? It hurts the
myself in a relationship, which I had always
page two. I looked into Hinduism, Buddhism, eyes at first, but after a while you realize how
wanted, and I began to discover that alcohol
Islam; I lit a book of Mormon on fire and much you were missing and how blind you
was fun since it helps you escape things you
laughed at the scientologists. Something had were to things around you. God plucked a
ought to be dealing with. My dad left when I
to be true, concrete, and absolute. When I drunk, self-destructive, arrogant, selfish,
was 17; my mom left when I was 19. In
was 23, I found myself in a church with 'good kid', out and radically changed
college, binge drinking increased from social
Christians I seemed to get along with. They everything about him. I can't explain why. I'm
drinking on the weekdays, to drinking alone.
weren't all weird like I thought; they were now involved in my community, on campus,
As the days turned into years, I found myself
odd, but they were genuinely joyful. After and in church. I have deep relationships with
growing dissatisfied, empty, and
mocking them in my
unappreciated. I was searching for something.
head, I would go home
My agnostic thinking turned into atheism. I “GOD PLUCKED A DRUNK, SELF-
sad and alone while they
argued with religious people in class, and I seemed to be content.
called every religion a 'well-organized cult' DESTRUCTIVE, ARROGANT, SELFISH,
One day, it dawned on
just to mock them. My girlfriend left when I me that I was being 'GOOD KID', OUT AND RADICALLY
was 21, and I found myself doing things I
closed-minded. I hadn't
didn't think I was capable of. It just pushed read the Bible or given it CHANGED EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. I
me further into a detached, dark, and lonely a chance, and yet I had
place. Depressed and suicidal, I was abusing CAN'T EXPLAIN WHY.”
convinced myself it
wasn't true. I decided
that there were many people smarter than people who genuinely care. I get to be a part
me who have believed and trusted in this of a kitchen crew, I play guitar with other
book, so there must be some truth to it. I musicians on a worship team, I've learned a
began reading the Bible and asking questions. lot about IT and sound equipment, and have
I began praying for help and change. I wasn't played a part in hosting local concerts and
sold on Christianity, but I was definitely selling coffee to the community. I've been a
curious. I moved back to Duluth to finish part of a missions trip and am set to travel to
school and I moved in with a Bible-believing the Philippines to help others in the world.
Christian. I went to church to learn and the The more I read about Jesus and learn who He
pastor pissed me off often. I was offended at is and what He’s promised, I just get more
the things he said, yet somehow, I wanted to excited. He's given me a reason to live and
come back and listen more. It was intriguing. new passions. Things have not been perfect
Finally, it dawned on me that I was being or easy, but I have a desire to persevere and
selfish with my life. My self-hatred and strive instead of run and hide at the bottom of
loathing was nothing more than pride. Instead a bottle. I needed help, and Jesus was willing
of arrogantly loving myself, I was destructively to do so in a loving way that I couldn't
focused inward. comprehend. Now it seems as if the pain and
suffering makes sense. I see how it was used
It wasn't until I was at my lowest point, to bring me closer to God and reveal just how
knowing I couldn't do life my way much I desperately needed Him. I am grateful
anymore, that God flipped the lights that God is so good. Now I have hope,
on and I was all in. I finally saw purpose, and life, all thanks to God. I can't
myself for who I really was, which fully express how the change in my mind,
was not pleasant. It took years of heart, and actions happened, but I know God
convincing, but God proved that is responsible for it, and I am so grateful.
He exists and that there is
nothing I can do to save myself.
It wasn't me trying to do